Procrastination and Disillusionment: the fatal circle - aka my undoing of SCBWI Undiscovered Voices 2012

So..., procrastinating..., instead of writing.
Why do we do it? Is it something that occurs after a knock-back, or something that causes one? Well, both. So, how do we stop the fatal circle from spinning? I don't think there is a correct answer to this, as, if you are anything like me, you will find new ways to procrastinate when all previous attempts fail. The best advice I can give is to set some goals. These should be anchored with dates that you can't change. I find the best way to do this is to set my sights on finishing something for a conference or a contest.

When I was working on Cara (The Life and Times of Cara Grimes), I had to set myself a target to get the book finished. When I read about the Society of Childrens Book Writers and Illustrators BI (British Isles) Undiscovered Voices 2012 submission deadline, I knew that it would spur me on to finish my novel. I wrote like an idiot (figuratively and literally) until I got it done and turned in. Wow, you may think, a role model for us all. Not so. Though I managed to get it in on time, it was not my best work. For months after the submission deadline, I re-re-rewrote. In that time I discovered a few things:

1. It was not good enough
2. There's no way I will get on the long list, let alone the short list
3. Miracles happen, beware!

I had all but written off UV 2012, feeling really embarrassed that people I knew were wasting their time reading Cara, albeit the author of Cara (me) was kept anonymous until the winners were chosen. That's why it was a shock when I received the email that I would be long listed! Oh, good, you might think, a happy ending. Again, I say, not so. I had gotten long listed, which was terribly exciting, but I had quite literally wrote myself out of the short list by not putting my best foot forward. Worse yet, I had gotten some attention from publishers and agents who thought this was my best work (*grimace*), the best I had to offer them. Now you can see my dilemma, right? If I'd just taken more time to prepare, I might have made the short list, I might have captured the attention of that fab agent who I'm girl crushing on, I might have a three book deal waiting. But no. The authors who were short listed put their best foot forward from the beginning. They were proud of their work and worked hard to get to that point. They are the winners and they totally deserve all that comes along with it.

And why do I tell you this? Well, firstly, because I'm procrastinating, as I should be working on Cara right now. Secondly, because, although using competitions and conferences is a great way to motivate yourself to finish a novel, not putting forth your best work every time is a chancy game- you may just win.

In conclusion, I'll say that I'm still motivating and pushing forward with my goals and writing deadlines (right now I'm working hard to get Cara polished and perfect before the SCBWI 2012 International Conference in New York), the difference is that now when I turn something in I know without a doubt that it is my best effort and there will be no regrets. As my lovely conference roommate, Jasmine Richards - editor at Oxford University Press, said to me (paraphrasing, as I didn't think to write down the exact words of wisdom): You will likely only get an editor to read your work once, so make it count. Words to live by, thanks Jasmine.